It's been a while since I've written anything here. I turned 25 a few days ago, it was alright. I played a lot of MHWilds, naturally. I've been really stressed lately, but therapy is helping me. The turmoil in my relationships feels like it's caused by stirring up all the emotions I've repressed for so long. I think besides focusing on school and playing mh, I just think about the repression, and reflect on the past. I don't want to live in the past but it's hard not to when processing these type of things. I balance it out with real life activities. I'm seeing Dir en Grey on Tuesday and Wednesday of this week. It's crazy, they're my very favorite band, and I'm hardly looking forward to it. Maybe I'll try seeing if anyone ik on Instagram is going, or I can attempt to talk to people there, I can't deny that it'll be boring to go alone.
I'm also kind of pissed about the timing of these concerts since I'll have to miss school at least once for it. I'm debating whether or not to take my exam the day after the first concert. I definitely won't be studying, so I'll probably just makeup the exam at the end of the semester.

Ik this page looks like shit I just wanna get this out there bc I am living through a historical event: Not gonna lie, the executive order banning gender affirming care for anyone under 19 got me fucked up. I'm not even in that demographic, but I know I'm the next target. Tbh, I'm so scared for my hrt perscription in the future. I'm an adult. I just want to live my life, and kids deserve to live their best lives too, whatever that means. Writing here to process the day, I feel like I'm on the cusp of something terrifying.

Today was a lot... Went to work, then to get my car repaired and smoged. The mechanic said it would take an hour but it was closer to three, I wasn't bored though. For the first hour and a half I hiked up to a redwood grove nearby. It was peaceful listening to birds singing in the shade, but there was a really loud lawnmower somewhere that kinda ruined the atmosphere. No reptiles, it was pretty cold. Coolest animal I saw was a redtailed hawk that flew no more than 10 feet over my head then started circling somewhere else. Very cool, ily Tobias.

After hiking I checked on my car and it still wasn't done so I explored the area. I found a little sewing shop that seemed like it'd be good to visit again. Then I got some food and, as is tradition, watched Youtube while eating. That's when I learned about the executive order. The language in it makes my skin crawl, it's so degrading. The order even mentions "rapid onset gender dysphoria" which is completely disproven. I'm so frustrated with anti-intellectualism and government leaders using acutal junk "science" to back up their transphobia.

Got myself a little treat at the liquor store otw home. I managed to cry about something that happened a little while ago, but I still feel bad about it. Trying not to live in the past, but I'm so haunted by the Memory. That's what therapy is for though. I'm so anxious about tomorrow, I even said it was Friday today. Information about the Kamijo concert will be released, and it's had me pacing around the house. I'd also like to see NIN but I'm not certain especially bc I just paid for my car. School also starts tomorrow, idk why it's on a Friday. I won't be on time bc I have work. I haven't emailed the teacher yet, fuck.

Working on this site again now that ALA is finished. I had a lot of fun at the con. Last night I finished up the design for the About page on this site. This morning before work, I'm trying to perfect this online space instead of organizing the physical space around me (cleaning my room). I wish I had all day to relax alone and work on coding and cleaning my room. It's not just work that gets in my way, it's my mom whenever she's home. I just can't focus as well when she's around. I should go into more detail about the last entry here. That vkei event and the concert were really fun. I'll also talk about ALA. Next time...

A lot has happened since I last wrote in this journal or even updated this site. Good and bad stuff. I'd like to share some of the more interesting things that've happened in the past two months. I went to a visual kei event and saw Jiluka live in October, and also finally wore Maria again for Halloween. Vampire October was amazing, but I dissociated a lot of November tbh.

Going to a Halloween theme park event with some friends tonight. I'm off today and my mom is out of the house, so I want to put on my Maria cosplay since the Silent Hill 2 remake came out. I haven't played yet today, not sure if I will after going out. I'm wearing the outfit right now but I'm so unmotivated to put on makeup... It's hard to cosplay from a game when I'd rather be playing the game itself tbh. I don't want to wear cosplay (especially this one) when she's home, so I should wear it now. Instead of doing makeup, I'm smoking weed and writing this journal. I think I'm still tired after staying up so late, of course playing SH2 remake.
Update: I only noticed my contacts had dried out after putting on some makeup already, so I kinda half-assed the rest of it. I also realized how much I need a new wig for Maria.

I went to this event with one of my close friends, "M!" They're not really into vkei but it was fun to do smth together. I'd like to go to another one. There were lots of indepedent vendors and ppl reselling really nice clothes. I met a couple ppl selling their old moi meme moitie stuff. I think it'd be fun to have at least one, likely small, thing from that brand tbh. There was another booth that sold chekis of various artists I got a signed Hizaki one :3 I also bought a Dir en Grey keychain thing. (Perhaps I can show them off sometime in the newly created "Misc Photos" page.) I met an artist there who asked if I'd ever like to model for them, (which I ended up doing at a later time) and it turns out they were mutuals with the friend I came with! It was actually so nice to meet someone there whom I could connect with again in the future! I exchanged instagram with a few really cool ppl, but I hardly post there anyway.